After any break-up what do women usually do? If this were a cheesy romantic comedy, I adore this genre, by the way, the countless clichés would have us eating Chinese takeout, crying to our best friend and getting a new hair duo. That’s what the movies believe we would do. Suffer through the obstacles before we get to our happy ending.
Last time we discussed why our relationship with money sucks. I revealed the three elements in a woman’s life that I believe contribute to the why. The keyword here: I. Every woman has her own unique experiences on the why. I asked the question and now, it’s time for us to discuss your answers.
The next phase in your financial well-being journey is one of discovery. It is to answer the question: how do I heal my relationship with money.
According to the dictionary, healing means to relieve or ease emotional distress. If you cut your finger, what steps do you take to heal it? It is the same thing with money, now that we know that we need to take a break from our previous money relationship, the remedy is to relieve ourselves of the emotional distress it may have caused us.
What is the first step?
Some of you may be thinking she wants us to do what now? Okay. You don’t have to get in that position but I believe the first step to healing our relationship with money is one of complete silence. That’s right, silence. Turn off your cell phone. Turn off your TV. Close your eyes.
Learn to be quiet enough to hear the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others.
-Marian Wright Edelman
Now just sit back and clear your mind. Breathe in. Breathe out. The only sounds echoing will be the pesky outside noise and your breathing. Clear your mind of everything. It’s time to hit the reset button here and once you have come to a sense of feeling relieved then we can press the play button and examine how we can tackle this money issue.
If Yoga is not an option, my go-to when I wanna clear my head is to take a walk around the block. It works wonders.
The reflection stage is upon us now. Take out your journals, a piece of paper, open your word processing software whatever you feel comfortable doing. Maybe taking a mental note is your forte. You’re up to bat. Time to answer the why question: write down three reasons why your relationship with money sucked.
Now, picture this. Let’s say you have a friend, let’s call her Beyonce. One day, Beyonce comes to you and says “I have this huge money problem do you mind if I talk to you about it”? She’s your friend so you’re willing to talk to her.
Beyonce describes a situation that she has with money and it’s one of the same money situations that you have written down. What would you do? Address her concerns or play coy? What would you think after your conversation with Beyonce? Would you look at her in a different light? Would you pinch yourself and think, déjà vu?
Would the fact that her plight resembles your plight assist you in self-awareness or would you judge Beyonce? Write her off. Tell yourself that is not you. You would never do something like that even though it is written as number two on your list? How you answer this question is part of the healing process.
A Call to Readiness
If there is no self-awareness on your part then you are in the, “I won’t” category. That’s fine. It just means you are not ready yet. There is a silver lining here. There is a self-awareness. Write down what you believe is keeping you from changing your money situation. What is your barrier? Is there any factor that you think of that could present itself as a motivator to heal the relationship?
If there is an acknowledgment and you say, okay, I see where I’ve been in the past so what do I want my financial well-being to look like in the future? Grab your journal. Visualize it. Write down how you see yourself in the future and what it would take if you were to make one of your changes? What would it look like to get there? To achieve that goal. To change that habit.
Being like Beyonce is no longer a part of your future. This is probably the only scenario where someone wouldn’t want to be Beyonce but you decided to take that leap. There is much clarity now. You rubbed the magic lamp and the genie granted you your wish.
Remember that cheesy romantic comedy? We are at the part in the movie where all obstacles have been tackled. Your happy ending with money is in your sight. You grab it. What a journey.
The healing process comes to an end and the one of change will commence.